the book of pain
30.11.2007., petak
hm....
04.10.2007., četvrtak
evo ga novi post.....nisam znao sta pisat pa citajte text....hh
The world felt very cold and cruel today,I now am on the road, that leads to the house I longed to find peace within,The same house, that I am soon to be jettisoned from,And my handlers, are far too familiar.Those same hands, were the ones that fed me for so long,The ones I used to lie silent before,The commanding hands, that dangled me like a puppet, like I was an experiment,The same hands now, hold the crimal intentions I fear to see.Those same people were, the ones I had tried to respect,And as often as I would try to do so, I was stricken down, in the moment where my heart was most open,They were the people who's words, actions and thoughts left horrible scars,And those scars were my teachers, to hide myself, to all that was close, to open my heart only in secrets.And all of this... wounds me deeply, where all the pain runs far into the chambers of my heart, mind and soul.It is sad to think, that through my secrecy, all of my actions had seemed like betrayal,And that the trust I had never been given, now never will be,And all that I have known and come to love, will once more be taken from me.But this is the fate, that often befalls my life,That the course of my destiny is changed by day,And I hit the bottom once more, where all hope is lost,When I am never good enough, or too deeply destroyed that I have no will to press on.Just at that moment, when the sun is brimming to the a morning long needed,Just as I could feel the Spring from my winter,I am cast back into the shadows and cold,Where once again, I must start from nothing.There is no word, song or friend left to console or save me,And all those that would, I have lost the way to find them,Every word I speak feels empty, hopeless, and broken beyond repair,And I find, I cannot run far enough, to be free from myself.I do not know what to do,But I do what I must,Under the press of being totally lost,I am broken under the weight of this new fate.Yet I am still alive,I fight in every breath,I hold to every hope,I press with all that is left. |
31.08.2007., petak
napokon doma...
evo ljudi napokon sam dosao bilo je i vrijeme...hh... zadnjih tjedan dana bio sam daleko bogu iza nogu s svojim raz... bili smo u spanjolskoj na maturalnom... meni je bilo uzasno dosadno tamo ali sta je je imalo se ceg ljepog vidjet.... ....jos nismo ni krenuli meni je zafalila jedna osoba ma svi vec znaju ko je... maja u busu su mi drustvo pravili sve samo perverzni ljudi u picku materinu nemozes nis rec vec vidis njih tj nas kako se valjamo od smjeha radi svojih misli.... ima pun kurac provala zapisanih ali trenutno je ta biljeznica kod ljubice tako da ja nemam NIS... :( hh... tako spanjolska fucking ljepa ali skupa jbg EU... ljudi zive ko bogovi tamo... i tako nadam se da je sve ok bilo dok mene nije bilo.... Brojao sam svake dane svake minute i sekunde kad ce mo krenut doma jer nisam mogao izdrzat vise bez maje bez njenog zagrljaja i poljupca, falili su mi frendovi ( zec andrea kamenar martina...........) ali napokon srijeda dan kad smo se ukrcali na brod kako sam bio sretan taj dan isuse vrijeme na brodu je brzo proslo jer sam ugl spavao... cetvrtak zadnji dan putovanja uzasno sporo prosao u busu prakticki cjeli dan za popizdit i napokon u petak u 5 i pol ujutro sam izasao na deltu i osjetio ljepi miris mrtvog kanala jer kako tamo smrdi u spanjolskoj katastrofa.... ugl napokon proslo tu sretan sam sta sam se vratio je da je bilo jedno ljepo iskustvo ali rijeka je rijeka poz svima i pusa majo... |
04.08.2007., subota
"For the people and their personal issues in life…"
Any familiar (and personal) issues can get the best of us… even the good guys (like many people believe me to be) have bad and awful days, days where we can’t see beyond our sight and all of the sudden we can make mistakes and hurt everyone else without knowing it… This harm turns into a huge/heavy rock that we will have on our back for the rest of the days like a mortal sin that can never be forgotten and we’ll always keep on remembering for times to come… Sometimes, this thought includes a third person that’s responsible for it (in most cases it won’t be true), and we have to fill a new space in our guilt with an unstoppable grudge against that subject for the rest of our cursed days… Or maybe we are completely guilty and won’t ever accept it… Humans are always guilty (of word and deed) due situations were morality fails, bad decisions are made and personal reasons never mentioned in public are still haunting us… Such things block our minds; cauterizing our conscience from any internal pain we might feel next time we harm somebody because our integrity got between them and our troubles… By suppressing such feelings we start to believe that everybody else is wrong and we are right (we just become victims); so they’re all guilty and shall burn in the flames of hell in eternity paying for their sins whenever they come to our mind… Such defensive attitude makes us vulnerable to pretty much everything and anything… We cannot live peacefully anymore; not now that our so called experience and years of brooding negative thoughts and feelings; simply nullifies our common sense... And we start loosing everything… even God… We become so lost that not even God can help us anymore (or so we think); we are looking for a solution that will never come, and start dying a slow, painful “spiritual” death… We don’t want anything anymore; we might just want to die and rot, so everyone will be sorry for not helping us and then… burn in hell for it… We have an empty death wish… Suddenly even all the people who cared for us don’t seem to care too much about this… Our mind is so confused that we find ourselves nested inside some uncomfortable spot of our chambers… with no possible answer; nor human being who could understand our problems and find solutions for our desperate thoughts… We are losing it… But the answers are out there (dramatically, in the mist)… and the solution is as easy as we only have to find some way to put aside our weak and negative thoughts; our self-made problems … Concentrate on living on the present; we shall fight for the future, not for the past… The past is something we can all drag for the rest of our eternity with no solution for it; as it is already given up by time present... When you give up the past, you give up all of those problems; even when not so many people can do this; many ones have actually done it and live to tell it (like me)… And some keep dying slow deaths which nobody cares about… Growing up blocked to any help and concern that could be given by others… Those people need to wake up; nobody is waiting for them to fix their troubles… But there is always somebody who really cares for them, and is really rooting for them to make a change (and that must be a personal goal) in order to start living the best years of their lives… Not known for problems, unknown to traumatic past experiences that defaced their present or affects their future… These people can start living the best days of the rest of their lives… |
17.07.2007., utorak
ja ma.........
neznam zasto, zasto imam filing da se cjeli svijet samo srusio na mene da sam ja uvjek kriv za sve... imam jedan cudan osjecaj i jednostavno nemogu nemogu izdrzat vise koliko me ubija... neznam kako da se rijesim toga silno zelim da taj filling nestane i kad ga "nema" on je i dalje duboko u mojoj dusi i to me zivcira, dovodi do ludila jednostavno neznam zasto sam takav debil zasto nemogu to izbacit iz glave neznam stalno si govorim da je sve ok nije nista ali onda opet taj usrani filing... skuzio sam tako da s tim gubim sve oko sebe ne zelim povrijedit nikog kad sam ovakav a znam da nekog ocu mislim nadam se da necu jednostavno htjeo bi razgovarat s nekim a neznam kako... strah me da nebi ispalo gore umjesto bolje neznam; stvarno se ne osjecam dobro puknut cu svakog trenutka a neznam nemogu vise izdrzat a nije samo i to razlog mom usranom filingu kao secer na kraju su i moji odnosi u obitelji...ma nije vazno puknut cu nemogu vise neznam sto da radim najradje nebi vise nikad izlazio iz sobe neznam zaboravio sve ljude i zivio u sjeni neznam nis vise |
11.07.2007., srijeda
hm... mislim da ce i ovo bit jedan u nizu glupih posteva al jednostavno me zaboli kurac. Boli me kurac za sve neznam toliko sam izivciran u ovom trenutku tako da bi sad da mi neko nes kaze bili to stara stari ili sestre ili ko od frendova mislim da mu nebi bilo ljepo... neznam zasto sam ovakav stvarno neznam niti mi se neda saznat a u biti znam zasto sam takav al ne zelim o tom mislim jer me tako to raspizđuje i ono Ako mislite mozda da je maja u pitanju E PA NIJE SUPER NAM Je i to je jedina osoba zbog koje mi se zivi jer mi se iz dana u dan cini da je samo njoj stalo do mene i da me samo ona voli... dobro mozda i koji prijatelji tj prijateljice al ugl bit tog svega je da ljudi koje sam volio ( starci ) od kad su poceli praznici totalno promijenili misljenje o meni na gore a ja sam se i to svi kazu ful promijenio na bolje. Ugl ne vjeruju mi vise nis, van izlazim svaki dan bez kune u đepu a glavno da sestre imaju po 500 kn svaka i da im daju svaki dan pare, treće našli mi posao u nekoj šugavoj tvornici plastike a rekao sam im da ne zelim radit ovo ljeto ali ne moji starci bi samnom kontrolirali ko nekom marionetom i ima tog jos puno ali necu nikog tlacit mojim glupim zivotom mislim nije u potpunosti glup ima jednu jedinu ljepu stranu za koju sam se namucio i nacekao i ZA TU STRANU CU SE BORITI DA OSTANE OVAKO LJEPO I TRUDIT CU SE ŠTO VIŠE DA SE TA STRANA NIKAD NE PREKINE I VJERUJ TE MI ONA JEDINO ZNA KAKO MI JE A I JEDINA JE KOJU VOLIM VISE OD SVEGA I TAKO CE I OSTAT... i da da se vratim jos na zadnju stvar sta moram napravit... OVAKO PITAM SVE KOJI DODJU NA MOJ BLOG DA MI OSTAVE ODGOVOR NA PITANJE KOJE JE SLJEDEĆE: Dali pobjec od kuce ili ne? ( mislim na sebe ) i molim vas objasnite odg. poz svima HEAVY METAL 4ever |
01.07.2007., nedjelja
pjesma koju sam nasao na netu ( uzasno bolesno )
25.06.2007., ponedjeljak
za tebe...
Da bismo živjeli trebamo imati razloga, a da bismo umrli treba imati vremena. Kada volim živim, kada sam sam umirem. Srce je prepuno i samo što ne pukne Ljubav me ispunjava Grije i usrećuje Jednostavno Volim te |
06.06.2007., srijeda
I dont need nothimg more in my life
evo da napisem nes novo nisam dugo hh... hm............ Moze li mi život bit bolji nego što je? mislim da bolji nemože... imam sve što mi treba za ljep život.... imam na prvom mijestu Maju koju jako volim i koja mi znaći sve u životu jednostavno ona je moj uzor, moja svjetlija, pametnija i jako ljepa strana jednostavno ona mi je sve i samo s njom mi je sve super... i sad joj saljem veliku pusu. osim nje tu su i prijatelji koji me vole i koje također ja volim ( Ljubica, Dodo (plavi), Lars, Davor, Brigita, Đina, Sheky, Depolo, Lorena... itd.). neki od njih su mi dosta pomogli u ovom mom zivotu i radi tog sam im prezahvalan, ali jos jednom da kazem osoba koja mi je najvise pomogla je moja slatka Maja hh... A tu su i moji starci koji me vole ali malo previse zahtijevaju od mene al jebiga ipak su roditelji pa ih razumijem... Ali kao šećer na kraju moje sreće ja da sam tocno danas u 11 i 15 prijepodne POLOŽIO VOZAČKI... napokon je i taj dan došao...hh I evo mene sad sretnog da nemogu sretniji bit i ljepo mi je i uživat ću dok sve traje... Za kraj poz svima koji me znaju i ko se oce vozikat moze samnom jer me vec svi žicaju da ih vozim hh poz... |
17.05.2007., četvrtak
Za prave ljude pravo pivo
13.05.2007., nedjelja
skull sa albuma 1919 eternal od također meni jednog od najdrazih bendova Black Label Society-a long live metal |
evo neznam ako se ko sijeca bloga od mene i bratica nindja evo malo podsijetnika o tome kako postat jakim nindjom ( kakve smo mi budale bogte) A sada o tome kako postat veliki i jaki NINDŽa kao mi: Prva točka - jako puno glup Druga točka - jetra biti unakažena od alkohola Treća točka- uvijek biti spreman za još jednu bocu Četvrta točka- ista kao treća Peta točka- ne srat po muzici i po ljudima (osim nas dvoje) 6. točka - slušati nas šef i samo šef 7. točka - sorry moramo ići pišat (evo nas za sec) 8. točka - svi morate znati čija govna više smrde 9. točka - morate znati svirati nešto 10 točka - ni u kojem slučaju ne proliti ni kap alkohola ( u protivnom kastrirat ćemo vas i vašu porodicu, počupati vam nokte i kosu a o zubima da i ne govorimo, i onda čemo muškim odkinut racku i stavit ga u njihov pakšu nek se jebu sami, a u protivnom trći n indža će da vas jebe) NAKON TOGA STE VELIKI I ZAJEBANI NINĐA (ali vam treba još minimum 666 godina da budete kao mi, AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, HOHOHOHOHOHOOHOHO!!????????????=)(/&%$#"!)) kbsfbsadkjfsadfkjbsdfkksakjfbasdfjbsdafasdljkfwphafdskjdsvkjadslsdjbcdsakdsbjcwdsckwjsbdcwsdcwkj ---- TKO ILI ŠTO OVO NE MOŽE DA ČITA OTPALA MU KITA..... |